it just never ends for me.

i wonder WHY my mom seems to take an interest in my life to the point she stalks me. she NEVER cared about me or my safety all those nights she used to leave me at her place while she went to the bar and i was wheelchair dependant. what? is she afraid someone else will make me require surgeries? is SHE the ONLY one allowed to neglect me so i get injured instead of HER? does she think SHE is the ONLY one allowed to put me in danger so i eventually get injured and have to have surgeries later in life? mind your business. or it could be my overweight sister who is anxious to relate to me and have things in common with me (other than dna- if i could, i'd switch that in a second)? i refuse to let either of you bums drag me down to your level and cling to me. zen assisted me in replying to this email that the lady from the apartment in boston sent me this morning. i filled out my application improperly and we had to ask for a new application. zen said to me (he's said this before to me), "when a landlord has rules. you can't just not follow them." MAKING ME to be the villain in this situation when I WAS NOT THE ONE SMOKING CIGARETTES IN A NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. i sent in MULTIPLE complaints to management about the fuckin smoking. THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT EXCEPT SEND OUT NEWSLETTERS TO ALL THE TENANTS OF THE APARTMENT JUST REMINDING THEM THAT THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SMOKE IN THE APARTMENT. i thought an ics worker was supposed to defend their clients when something bad happened? not just assume they were in the wrong without hearing their side of the story and the FACTS before taking sides in conflicts. how the fuck would he like to be in an environment that he can't breathe in because of the cigarette smoke when he's gone through at LEAST TWO surgeries on his palate to assist with preventing smoke and dust from getting to his lungs so he's able to breathe better but being forced to put up with living in an environment where he CAN'T breathe? my cousin joe even came to my apartment when i lived in burnsville a few times and he told me how he had to wash his clothes because they WREAKED like SMOKE when he left my apartment. THAT is how bad it was. the stupid caretaker took care of the smoking problems JUST whenever it was CONVENIENT for HIM. my cousin joe had phone numbers to call to help me since they told me i couldn't live there when it was a NON-SMOKING apartment and I got in trouble for MY reactions to the cigarette smoke. i didn't really think it was much of a concern because i was told that it wouldn't be on my renting record because i was not the one breaking the non-smoking rules in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. it's almost like zen is trying to take advantage of this situation- so he doesn't have to assist me in moving to an apartment I ACTUALLY want to live in and not just because it's the only place that'll decide to house me. i'm screwed when and if this ics program leaves this apartment because no one else will rent to me because of the shit that happened in burnsville. DOESN'T CONCERN ANYONE THOUGH! they only "care" enough to gawk at what i do/say so they have something to talk about because they don't have anything better to do! i wish i could be as unaccomplished and NOSEY as them! *rolls eyes*